Science Jokes

Helium walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says,"sorry,we don't
serve noble gases here."Helium doesn't react

Fun

Molecule 1:I just lost an electron.

Molecule 2:Are you sure?

Molecule 3:I'm positive

Fun

Newton,Pascal and Archimedes are playing hide and seek.

Archimedes starts to count,pascal hides in a bush,

And Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it.

Archimedes finds Newton first,of course,but Newton

Replies,"Nope.one Newton on one square meter is equal to

one pascal.

Fun

When you die,you should have your brain donated to science.

I hear they're trying to come up with the perfect vacuum.

Fun

When Magnesium and Oxygen started dating I was like,"O MG!

Fun

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

The first says to the second,"I think i've lost an electron.

The second replies,"Are you Sure?"to 

which the first retorts,'yes,i'm positive

 

Blonde Fun

May i take your order?"the blonde waitress asked.
"yes,how do you prepare your chickens?"
"Nothing special sir,"she replied,"we just tell them
straight out that they're going to die.

Fun

I asked a blonde,"which is closer,Florida or the sun?

"She said,"The Sun,because i can look up and see it.

Fun

A blonde is over weight so her doctor puts her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days,

Then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose

at least five pounds."When the blonde returns,she's

Lost nearly 20 pounds.The doctor exclaims,"that's amazing!

Did you follow my diet?"The blonde nods.

"i thought i was going to drop dead every third day from all

 The Skipping! 

Funny

A guy was driving in a car with a blonde.
He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked
she stuck her head out and said,"yes,no,yes,no,yes.......

Fun

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks if he could see her license.

she replied in a huff,"i wish you guys could get your act together.

just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me show it to you.

Fun

A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is Pregnant with twins.

 She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong.

She replies,"i know who the dad is for one of them but i don't know 

who the dad is for the other one!

Fun

A science teacher tells his class,"oxygen is a must for breathing and life.

it was discovered in 1773."A blonde student responds,

"Thank god i was born after 1773!otherwise i would have died without it.

Blonde Jokes

A Blonde,a redhead,and a brunette were all lost in the desert.

They found a lamp and rubbed it.

A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.

The redhead wished to be back home.

poof !she was back home.

The brunette wished to be at home with her family.

poof!she was back home with her family.

The blonde said,"Awwww,i wish my friends were here.

New

There was a blonde,a redhead,and a brunette.

They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.

The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore 

she swam 15 miles,drowned,and died.

The brunette swam 24 miles,drowned,and died.

The blonde swam 25 miles,got tired,and swam back.

New

A robber comes into the store and steals a TV.

A blonde runs after him and says,"wait,you forget the Remote!

 

 

crocodile Jokes

Man:A man is fishing and he catches a crocodile.
Crocodile: The crocodile tells him,"please let me go!i'll grant you any wish you desire.
Man:"The man says,"okay,i wish my penis could touch the ground.
Crocodile:"The crocodile then bites his legs off.

New 

Teacher:"I asked you to draw a cow and grass,but i only see a cow.

where is grass?"

Student:"The cow ate the grass,sir

New

Teacher:"name a bird with wings but can't fly."

Student:"A dead bird,sir."

New

Redhead:"you ever smelled moth balls?"

Blonde:"Yes,i think they smell good."

Redhead:"Wow,i can't believe you got your nose 

between those tiny legs." 

Animal Jokes

Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.

one asks the other,"Do you recall your worst day last year?"The other 

resonds,"yes,the day i had diarrhea!"

• Another Jokes

you are on a horse,galloping at a constant speed.on your right side is sharp drop off,and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.

what must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

Insult Jokes

Teacher:Kids,what does the chicken give you?
Student:Meat!
Teacher:Very good! Now what does the pig give you?
Student:Bacon!
Teacher:Great! and what does the cow give you?
Student:Homework!

 New Jokes

 Whenever your ex says ,"you'll never find someone like me,
"the answer to that is," that's the point

Light Travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 

My Friend thinks he is smart.

He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry,

So i threw a coconut at his face.